Playfulness and etiquette: A fresh perspective on manners

“I don't think existence wants you to be serious. I have not seen a serious tree. I have not seen a serious bird. I have not seen a serious sunrise. I have not seen a serious starry night. It seems they are all laughing in their own ways, dancing in their own ways. We may not understand it, but there is a subtle feeling that the whole existence is a celebration.” - Osho

Whenever I introduce myself as an etiquette expert, I can see the subtle shift. People often pause, stand a bit straighter, and say with a slightly nervous laugh: “Oh, so I have to be on my best behavior around you!” There’s this moment where they seem to brace themselves, as if etiquette meant I expect perfect formality. I reassure them with a merry smile, letting them know they can relax. Etiquette doesn’t have to be formal or rigid. In fact, you can still be lighthearted, feel at ease, and bring your unique self to the party while staying well-mannered.

Etiquette as a celebration, not a restriction

Seeing etiquette through this lens transforms it into a celebration of human interpersonal relations. Just as a beautiful gathering fosters shared laughter and connection, etiquette creates an atmosphere where people feel comfortable to be themselves. By adding warmth and playfulness, etiquette allows us to be polished yet real, refined yet approachable.

When we approach manners as a way to bring joy and authenticity to our interactions, it becomes less about ‘doing things correctly’ and more about creating a positive experience for everyone involved. Think of it as a way to lift others up and invite warmth into your space.

Embracing etiquette as a joyful practice

To bring this playful approach to etiquette into your life, here are a few practical, fun ways polish your poise but still feel warm and approachable:

1. Bring flow into your body language: Maintaining good posture is essential, but make sure your body isn’t too rigid. Allow some natural flowiness in your movements—this openness makes interactions feel more approachable and less formal. A relaxed yet poised presence invites others to feel comfortable around you.

2. You can bend a few rules: Sometimes, bending a few etiquette rules adds a touch of fun! As a foodie, I have to admit, I can be guilty of saucing the plate, and everyone around me feels invited to sauce, as having friends who do the same makes it even more enjoyable. Little moments like these remind us that life isn’t about being always perfect; it’s about enjoying our experiences and connecting with others in a genuine way. I can also be caught licking my spoons, if there is honey on it, or anything sweet worth indulging. 

3. Follow along with others’ lighthearted mood: Even in formal gatherings, it’s okay to share in the friendly spirit of those around you. I once attended a UNESCO dinner where an official at my table insisted I try the food from her plate. I couldn’t say no! This reminds us that etiquette can be adaptable, allowing us to share joys sincerely while respecting the mood of the occasion.

4. Share an uplifting compliment: This one take a bit of knowledge, cultural understanding, a developed sense of emotional intelligence and psychological distance assessment, but complimenting others thoughtfully, especially on something that brings out their cheerfulness, creates blissful and meaningful affinities that can lead to deep bonds. For instance, rather than saying, “You look nice,” try something like, “You have a [fill in the blanks] energy that’s [fill in the blanks].” This playful touch to compliments celebrates the other person’s unique presence and keeps early encounters memorables. I can only recommend to watch classical movies or/and to read novels for more inspiration.

By infusing etiquette with playfulness, we bring joy, glamour and grace into our interactions. Remember, politeness isn’t a performance; it’s a way to care about others, to remain observant while expressing yourself, and let your personality shine wholeheartedly. Etiquette is a tool to confidently enjoy our lives even more fully. 

My book recommendations for a fun-loving heart and a spirited essence: